Fobulous

When Alrica and I go out here in Albania, one of us is generally fobulous. Usually it's Alrica. Now I am not saying Alrica is anyting less than fabulous all the time, but she's not always fobulous. (And I'm fabulous at spelling fabulous.)

One of the many differences we have found here in Albania is elevators. In residential buildings with many floors, they have elevators, as one might expect. But here, just pushing the buttons doesn't make the elevator go. You have to carry a fob with you and press the fob to the sensor. Otherwise all the button pushing in the world does nothing (except burn a few calories.) So when we are leaving our apartment I ask Alrica, "Are you fobulous?" Of course she is, because she's fabulous at being fobulous.

But I wonder why, what's the point of requiring the fob? Security seems like the obvious answer. And yes, that makes sense at first glance. But there's nothing that would stop burglars or murderers from taking the stairs. You don't need a fob to access those. So this "security" is just a mechanism to inconvenience the criminals. Do you think a burglar ever says the following? "I don't mind risking imprisonment, but damn those stairs are just too hard on my knees. I'll find a new line of work." How many hit men have been dedicated to their careers until they have a target who lives on the sixth floor so they return the money, go off the grid, and reinvent themselves as cellists? And the natural follow up question: What proportion of cellists are reformed assassins who didn't have the lung capacity for climbing stairs. (Clearly they don't become oboists with that lack of huff and puff power.)

Another difference of note, before we leave with the fob, involves switches. A lot of the switches are on the outside of the room in which you want light, especially bathrooms. That's not really a big deal, it just takes some getting used to. It would be more of a problem if I still had the mentality of seven-year-old Erich who thought it was hysterical to switch off the light and throw Alrica into darkness mid-shower. But having progressed to at least my eight-year-old self, she's pretty safe.

Universal symbols for on and off

Also, several of the outlets have a switch right alongside the outlet. Of course you know outlets are different in different parts of the world, but it isn't as clear the switch-controlled outlets would change where the switch controlling them is. In some ways, this is far more convenient. I always know which switch controls which outlet. But it does mean some switches are high, some low, rarely are they at optimal switch flipping height. This is different than in America where all the switches are at the same convenient height, but I don't know which outlets are controlled by switches and which ones aren't. And even once I realize an outlet is controlled by a switch, I have to figure out which switch controls it.

True story: There were three switches in a row in the front hall of our house in Reno. The one furthest from the family room controlled a single outlet in the family. The other two, I have no idea what they did. I lived in that house for five years, and I never knew what those switches were for. Aesthetics? They weren't that pretty.

After we leave the apartment, there are some differences in the city. Here in Vlorë I have not seen a single traffic light. We saw some in Tirana, which is a big city by any standards. But Vlorë, with 200,000 people, isn't small. And yet, there are no traffic lights, not even stop signs. There are some traffic circles at a few intersections along the two main north-south roads. It's amazing, because we see a lot of cars and yet, we don't see accidents. (Ironically, today for the first time we saw two cars pulling off and it might have been a post-accident incident, but I can't say that for sure.)

In America, you can't have a city of 200,000 people without traffic lights. It's true that in America if a city has 200,000 people then it has about 200,000 cars, and that's not the case in Albania. Lots of people work. You don't take a car everywhere you go. So there are a lot fewer cars on the road. But the major streets are still busy. And when big roads come together, everyone has to zipper merge or pass in front of each other, and somehow they do it without crashing.

Note: This absence of traffic lights also means there are no walk signals either. There are crosswalks, and when you want to cross, you just have to step out there. The cars have no intention of hitting you, but if you don't make the first move, they aren't going to stop and wait for you. You gotta Jersey it! (Any of you who have ever driven in New Jersey will understand what I mean by that verb.)

And let's say your final destination is a restaurant. Good call on your part. The food here is excellent, delicious, with friendly service, and a fantastic (dare I say fabulous but not fobulous) price. Just today Alrica and I had lunch that cost us a total of 650 lek (which is about 7 dollars.) That's total for both of us. You can't eat that cheaply at home unless you're at a membership big box store like Costco or Sam's Club. But one big difference is getting your check. You don't, not until you flag someone down, walk to someone to pay, or in some way use semaphore to get the attention of your server. They just don't bring it over. They want to let you enjoy yourself for as long as you want to enjoy yourself. And at those prices, what's not to enjoy?

And then it is home again with a contented belly and a smile. I just hope you remembered your fob. Or like those truly dedicated criminals, you're going to be climbing a lot of stairs. And that is less than fobulous.